I’ve coined a new expression for us… FODO:  Fear of Disappointing Others.  It’s amazing how often this comes into play.  Here are some examples that I’ve come across recently:

• Board member wants you to keep the original mission statement even though you know it doesn’t crisply represent your purpose
• Staff wants to feel more connected so you set up time to collaborate in fun ways yet they resent the amount of time spent in meetings
• You say yes to meeting invites to be seen as a good leader at the expense of your own priorities (and end up canceling at times)
• For a non-work related one… you’re playing doubles and the anxiety around disappointing your partner leads to unforced errors!

What’s the easy fix, you ask?  Sorry to disappoint as there’s no single answer here.  The solution begins, however, with recognizing how often the “pleaser” in you is taking you away from what your gut tells you is right.  The next step is allowing yourself the mental space to think about what this means to you, to others, to your performance, and to your relationships.  This is just one of the reasons I love being a coach.

Often it’s not that we don’t know what to do to remedy a situation, but instead the roadblock is that we just keep driving the bus while we’re changing the wheels.  Coaching allows you to reconnect with yourself, to what’s right for you, and to consider what beliefs (right or wrong) might be holding you back.

So what about these “others” we’re so worried about disappointing?  Listening to others for input is a must for good leaders and teammates.  With diverse set of inputs in hand, we can navigate our next steps based on that input but also based on our own values and intuition.  If we consistently do so and show up as our authentic selves (individuals with needs, a perspective, and agency), odds are we will model a great way of being for these “others” we are so afraid of disappointing. That fear simply distracts us from being the creative, resourceful, and caring explorers that we are…on our way to that next best action to take.

Want to talk more about FODO or whatever is holding you back?  I still have two free coaching hours left for the month so sign up now by filling out the questionnaire on this site!